For years I heard these words over and over again it seemed no matter what I did it was never good enough when it came to people who were mentally and plain physically abusive. Trust me when I say I have been in relationships where name calling and screaming at me was a normal thing. I have been in relationships where getting hit and smacked everyday seemed even normal to me. Heck I have even woke up with a person standing over me with scissors to my throat.
If you have a significant other who is mentally and maybe even physically abusive, it seems to become normal to be in those sort of relationships no matter how hard you try to break the patter. You seem to always end up with the same type in the end. I tried to break the cycle many times and I would always seem to get in toxic relationships where mental and physical abuse seemed to be pretty normal for me. I have had mentally abusive exes, physically abusive exes, and exes who would cheat and yes that is a form of abuse because it mentally breaks the person your with if you do cheat. It makes you feel like you were never good enough.
Typically the last words after abuse are I am sorry and I will never do it again. But you know deep down inside them saying sorry, or saying they will never do it again is pretty much a lie. You stick around hoping they will change and even on occasion you will hear from them they will change. They may even go to counseling once or twice to prove they changed. That once or twice is not going to change a person. They are usually putting on a front to try to prove they changed but in the end it is back to the same old abuse again even if it does not happen for few months.
Physical abuse can be anything from pushing a person around to physically beating them bloody, may even be some are so bad that even worse has happened. It pretty much starts with mental abuse to make you feel low like you could never do any better than them, and just when they got you in that spot they will start to control every aspect of your life from when and where your going , down to who your friends are. One of my exes used to tell me all my friends were losers, and I was lucky if I maybe saw them once a month. But usually after they have the control they will go into rages even if it is the most minor things, they will not think about how it affects you, and only how it will benefit them. They want it their way all the time only thinking of themselves. Usually abusers are narcissistic. They do not care about others but only themselves.
I have been to the point of near suicide at times after the abuse because they made you feel no good, and basically you thought you should beg them to stay because you could do no better. This is far from the truth though you do deserve better and once time passes after they are out of your life you will come to realize people like this are toxic human beings. It may take a very long while to realize this sometimes even years. You may even seek professional help which is often a very good idea after dealing with abusers so people besides your family and friends can give you a new view on life and what to look for.
I had exes who would be physically abusive, but another form of abuse is seriously cheating because if you look at it, it makes you feel like you were never good enough that they needed another person to supposedly take care of their “physical needs”. This usually is a sign that in their family one parent or the other of the person cheating was cheating themselves, and is typically a learned behavior somewhere along the line.
I am also going to point out physical and mental abusers also seem to learn this behavior. Although typically they do not realize it they probably saw it in their homes growing up and to them this is normal behavior. I have even had the abusers tell me of physical abuse in their homes and drug abuse in their homes. Some do not even realize it was abuse and will never say a thing until years later after getting some sort of professional help.
We should not accept abuse as normal as victims of domestic abuse, and if it does happen, do not let words like I am sorry, It will never happen again etc… sway you from leaving a toxic situation because if they have done it once, they will probably do it again. You may even find out down the road another person before or after you was a victim of the abuse from the same person. I walked away from a relationship after being abused and told myself never again. I am still holding to that never again.
Realize you are a good person, that you deserve better. Do not let them make you feel worse. If you need to if you are a victim of domestic abuse call your local police department or sheriff. There are also domestic abuse shelters. The only problem with Domestic abuse shelters are they are mainly geared towards helping women who have been abused. But men are abused and I am a good example of that.
Men if you have been abused do not be afraid to step up and say something, it does not make you any less of a man. It just means you are strong enough to say hey I need out of this situation and need help doing so. Abuse can get alot worse no matter if it starts out as small ways of abusing you. Hopefully this will get passed around and shared. I decided to write this even as a man I was abused but for a long time I accepted this as normal. I did not tell people until after I got out of the situation, and this is my first time writing about waking up with scissors to my throat. That same ex would even argue and become physical with my family being in the same home. My mother even threatened to call the police on her and I stopped my mother and told her I could stop her from getting abusive again. But one morning I woke up with scissors to my throat and I still stayed and endured the physical abuse and her infidelity. Although it was not until the very end I learned she was cheating. Which threw me for a loop.
Let me add this one last thing if you are a victim of mental or physical abuse their are always outside resources to help. Do not be afraid to tell someone and seek help. Be strong get up walk away and never look back. I promise in time you will come to realize how toxic that person actually was.